Monday, Featuring AJW

For this entire week starting today, I have desided to showcase a blog entry from various people that I know which make me laugh. Today I thought I'd kick it off with a personal favourite of mine, starring the works of my good frienemy, AJW.

Large squid for sale. Squishy. 55pounds. In need of a good home. If interested call.....

okeeeyyyy here we have it, the long awaited (unlikely), informative (doubtful), grammatically correct (yeah right), and well thought out (ok now you're just lying) info-session-thingy on What Guys Look for in a Girl/Woman, printed especially for all you female types out there. This may also be referred to as a "list" by some.

1) A Pulse. A pulse is crucial. Not only does it show that you are very likely alive beyond most probability...........actually that's all that it shows a guy, that you're alive, and that's the single most desirable quality in a woman (for you guys that don't care if a woman is alive, well you disgust me)

2) The capability to breathe under your own power. This is a major turn on. But for those of you hooked up to artificial respirators, DO NOT FEAR! If you have a pulse, this is still the number one criteria for men. The ability to breathe using your own diaphragm (or whatever muscle it is you breathe with, if that's wrong, i'm not going for scientific accuracy here ok?) shows us, for one, that you have functioning muscles, from this we assume that you can do other things with other muscles, such as cook us dinner or do the laundry. Also, in the event you stop breathing during a heated make out session, at least we'll know you didn't become unplugged, and hopefully call a paramedic or something

3) Not in a coma. Well i think this is pretty self explanitory. A coma would mean a guy has to fend for himself (you can only live on Kraft Dinner for so long I'm afraid), and because it's been scientificly proven that guys cannot do laundry, it would be very taxing on his wallet to have to keep buying new clothes or at least something to cover the smell. comas are also bad for a guy action-wise, cuz i don't think there'll be any screwing around in a hospital bed with someone in a freaking coma! GOD YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!

ummm yeah, i hope that cleared some stuff up, now get over here and cook me something typing all this worked up an appetite.

(PS: to all feminist types, I think my following response should suffice to answer/counter any remarks you have: "I don't care." Thank you, and that is all)
(PSS: hey Beautiful Girl)


CHEERS, and don't forget to check back tomorrow for the next installment!